Darling, Kiss Me
by lunre
Summary: When Jace tells Alec to kiss him, Alec takes the chance. City of Glass, Bad Blood, AU, a variation of the actual scene, oneshot.


"You don't believe me?" Jace asked. "Fine. Go ahead. Kiss me right now."

Alec stared at him in horror. There was a sudden pain in his chest, as if the breath had been sucked out of his lungs. He felt hot in his face and his hands became sweaty. He hadn't yet processed the fact that Jace had given him permission to kiss him, but was still hung up on the fact that he knew how he felt about him at all. It had been a well kept secret. Only Isabelle had known of Alec's feelings for Jace and Clary. Momentarily he felt rage; had she told him? But then he remembered that although he didn't like her very much, Clary wouldn't have.

Once Jace's words hit him, his eyes widened. He wanted to, very much. He had wanted to ever since he was twelve years old. As young boys Alec had looked at Jace with a childlike longing, and back then it was so much easier to touch him, to tackle and fight. It had been so much easier to be his friend. Their innocence had long since been spoiled by war and a secret that Alec had assumed was only known to him and his sister.

Jace watched him expectantly. He wanted him to make a move, or to not. Alec felt the pressure.

"Exactly," the boy said eventually. "Despite my staggering good looks, you actually don't like me that way. And if you're blowing off Ma –"

The rest of Jace's words were lost as their lips met. Alec's hands gripped the sides of his face and finally he gave in to what he had kept himself from all these years. It was a simple touch of the lips, so simple and yet it meant the world to him. He knew Jace hadn't expected the kiss. He had expected refusal of accusation, denial and a struggle to tell the truth. He hadn't expected a blatant kiss.

But when Alec got a chance, he took it. And his chance right now was the fact that Jace hadn't pushed away. He hadn't returned the kiss, either, but more importantly: he hadn't pushed away. Alec cherished every second he got.

The kiss came to an end finally, and when Alec let go, his face was a shade of deep red. He looked away. A set of piercing blue eye were staring at him in shock and surprise, possibly disgust. He hoped the latter wasn't the case but he couldn't be sure. With Jace, he was never sure. However well he knew his parabatai, there were things they never talked about, desire being one of them, much less desire for each other.

Alec cleared his throat awkwardly and left the room.

* * *

They hadn't seen each other since it happened. It's been a day and a half and Alec began to feel increasingly worried. How long could they be avoiding each other in a house as small as the Penhallows? Had he screwed up? Had he ruined whatever friendship and fellowship they had? A part of him blamed Jace. Had he not allowed the kiss, had he not given him the chance, had he, had he… Alec knew it wasn't true. It wasn't Jace's fault and neither was it his. Love, he thought, was something so unpredictable. It came and went in a blur. Frankly, Alec wasn't sure how they had come kiss at all. He remembered fixing up Jace's hand and then suddenly they'd kissed.

It was late, sometime after midnight and Alec decided to give up the wait. Jace hadn't come to their room the previous night, which admittedly had hurt Alec a little bit. The boy thought his parabatai had slept on the couch. Perhaps he found it more comfortable there. When he found himself in bed, the scratchy sheets only did so much to ease his nerves. He hoped he'd fall asleep soon.

He was about to when the door opened. It pulled Alec right out of his slumber. His heart skipped a beat as he pretended to be asleep. Jace didn't need to know that he wasn't and that he had waited for him. Alec had embarrassed himself enough to last a decade. He wouldn't know what to say anyway.

He heard Jace kick off his boots. They fell to the ground with a thud. Jace had never been particularly worried about waking his roommates. He slept through a war and he expected others to be equally as tight sleepers. They weren't, and in the past he had woken up Alec and Isabelle a number of times by being careless with the door or his voice.

"You didn't have to wait for me," Jace said casually as he fell into his bed.

"I didn't," Alec replied tonelessly. He felt the flush of his cheeks immediately. He was glad that his back was turned to Jace and he hoped he wouldn't notice the slight inflection in his speech.

"When will you learn that you can't lie to me?" Jace's tone suggested that it was the last thing he'd say for the night and Alec didn't answer. He knew he couldn't lie to his parabatai. That, however, never kept him from trying. There were things, Alec thought, that even Jace – especially Jace – didn't need to know.

When Alec woke the next morning it was awfully quiet. He was used to the chatter between Isabelle and Aline, or the chime of his mother's voice or Max running up and down the stairs. There was none of it today and he rose in slight confusion. Convinced that he was alone, Alec felt startled at the sudden sound of pages turning. He looked over and found Jace in his bed across the room, still in his pajamas and reading one of Max's comics.

"I didn't think you'd find that interesting," Alec remarked as he pushed himself up.

"I didn't think you'd kiss me," Jace replied with such casualty in his voice it made Alec shiver inwardly.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Alec inquired, not in the mood for any of Jace's games.

"Nope."

Alec nodded. He wasn't going to push them into conversation. He didn't have the energy for it so early in the morning. And a small, proud part of him wanted Jace to come forward first. He decided to stay silent as he moved out of bed.

"Why did you kiss me?" Jace said suddenly, apparently having a spontaneous change of heart. He put the comic down and turned to sit on the edge of his bed across from Alec.

"You offered," Alec replied.

"You don't feel about me that way."

"How do you know?"

"I know you."

"Obviously not as well as you thought."

Jace stopped and looked at his friend. All these years he had relied on Alec, had trusted him with his life. He knew that feeling was mutual. Alec, too, had given so much of himself to Jace. Only recently he had gotten the feeling that there might be more. He saw it with Simon and Clary, the way she'd never suspected her best friend loved her and then came the heartbreak of realizing that he did. Unrequited love; Jace had mocked it when he'd first met Clary. How obvious it was with Simon, and how obvious it was with Alec to everyone but him. Jace felt like a fool. He cared about Alec. He loved him like a brother, like a best friend, like the parabatai that he was, but never, not once, had he thought of him that way. Not until last night anyway, when Alec had taken him by the neck and pulled him into a kiss.

"I don't feel that way, Alec," Jace said with a vulnerability in his voice Alec thought he'd never heard before. Was he afraid to lose him? "I won't ever feel that way."

"I know," Alec said sadly. He was awfully aware of how hopeless his desires were. His love for Jace would remain unrequited.

"Alec," Jace said. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he said, surprised to find in the moment that it was actually okay. Perhaps this conversation was all he had needed to move forward. There was no longer the possibility of what-if but it was clear as day that Jace would never be with him that way. Realizing that felt strangely relieving. Perhaps Jace had been right all along; perhaps Alec did not feel the way he thought he did. Maybe, just maybe, his parabatai knew him better than he did himself. It was an odd concept and Alec decided not to try and figure it out.

"Are we good?" Jace asked then. Uncertainty was apparent in his voice and Alec sighed.

"We're good."


End file.
